Dear,

I cannot stand this. It is just too hard to be away from you. I am usually okay, but at times like this (especially tonight) it just becomes too much to bear. I cannot sleep tonight from thinking of you.

I just have to tell you, Dee, to share with you that sacred part of my inner, secret life, the thoughts I think that everyone has but does not always say. I know that sometimes pride gets in the way of expressing emotions. I believe that is the cause of my reticence in telling you how I feel sometimes, that and the fact that passion in an extreme state can be scary, you almost just want to shut it away for fear that it will eventually destroy you. I think of my feelings, my love for you not with craving or with hope or even desire, but just with a kind of wonder that such things could be. You have opened my eyes to how love should feel. I can promise you this, I will never again settle for less.

But, at this time in both of our lives, we are surrounded by possibilities of choice, open doors and wide horizons, which I know, may come between us. But I also know and hope that they could eventually bring us together, with both of us being better people for the time we spent apart. And so for now I function between maybe and maybe not. It's a strange mixture of love and sex and sorrow and hope and longing and faith. And even though you are far away, you're all that I can see, I carry you with me through all my days and I miss you more than I can say. Also, Dee, remember this - I love you no less than if you were right here now.

I know I have a tendency to be impetuous at times - thus the reason for this letter. I think I will tell it now by this blog, before I consider what you might think of it. I love you and am waiting for the day when I can feel your arms around me again.

Love always,ellie